


Milky White

by orphan_account



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Berief mention of suicidal thoughts, Gen, Minor AU, Spoilers, The off colours and steven are mentioned, Wanted spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-04
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-11-08 17:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11086407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Lars was not adjusting to the whole 'dying' thing well. He was not dealing with being pink, nor was he dealing with the portal in his hair.Surprisingly, they where the easiest things to deal with.





	Milky White

He remembered pain, so much pain, and falling. He thinks he heard screaming, but the ringing in his ears was too loud for him to tell if the screams where his own or those of Steven. It didn't matter. He wasn't dead anymore, he wasn't even dead for that long.

Yet the pain still haunted him, a constant reminder of his death. His eye pounded in phantom agony and Lars gently pressed his hand against it. The presence of his hand did nothing to sooth the pain, but the coolness of his skin reminded him that he wasn't dead, despite what had occurred days ago. It was an odd sort of comfort, a reminder of the fact that he was alive despite the longing that a distant part of him had that Steven hadn't bought him back - a part of him that lurked in the darkness of his mind, and a part of him that he ignored as often as possible.

Yet him coming back to life had more than one consequence. The most noticeable being the facts that his skin was now pink or that he had portal-hair, yet that was the change that bothered him the least. He might be able to pass off the pink hue his skin had taken as a permanent sunburn, it's not like people in Beach City didn't have them, and his portal-hair wasn't noticeable unless someone was coming through it. 

His scar was also incredibly noticeable, which made him consider permanently covering it with his hair. The attention the scar would bring would only make him more uncomfortable, which was not something he needed. But he could decide that later, if he got back to Earth. Whilst he was with the others, the Off Colours as they called themselves, he didn't have to hide.

Tears poured from his eyes, gently hitting the hand that was still placed over his scarred eye. He kept his crying quiet, not wanting to disturb the others. He didn't want to make them (more) worried about him, not when they had other more important things to worry about- like getting to Earth and avoiding the robanoids. Still, he couldn't help but want them to find him crying, something he felt incredibly guilty for, after all why should they comfort him just because he couldn't deal with the nightmares, or the phantom pain on his own? He'd always dealt with his problems alone.

He could deal with this one alone too. He didn't need the Off Colours or Steven to get him through the adjustment period he knew would come with such a drastic change. He was fine alone, or that's what he told himself anyway. Just because he didn't have to hide around them anymore didn't mean that he would be open with his emotions. It wasn't something that he knew how to do, and too much had changed in such a short amount of time for him to be comfortable with another change so soon, especially if he was the one to initiate the change.

His tears had stopped, though Lars was unsure when that had happened. The tear tracks where dried on his cheeks and chin, and he immediately went to wipe them away. He found it pathetic that he couldn't even be open about his emotions when alone and in the dark. He found everything he did pathetic. With the obvious exception of saving the Off Colours and Steven, which ended up his him dying. And then coming back.

He still couldn't wrap his head around that. He didn't know if he was truly alive, if he was even human anymore. But he tried to avoid thinking of it. He tried to avoid thinking of a lot of things. His death, his hair, his scar, his family, his friends, his emotions. The list went on and on, it was far too long for Lars to name everything on it.

Letting out a small sigh, he carefully removed his hand from his eye, he revealed the milky white eye. The world around his was just was dark as it had been when the hand covered it.

At least the pain had momentarily stopped.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Steven Universe fanfic, so please leave constructive criticism!


End file.
